Thinking of Getting Married? How Premarital Counselling Can Help You Navigate Money and Family Planning.

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When Sarah and Mike first came to my office, they were six months away from their wedding day. Like many engaged couples, they had already chosen their venue, picked out flowers, and had organised their big day with family and friends. But underneath the excitement of wedding planning, they harboured concerns about their future together – especially regarding finances and starting a family.

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The Money Story

"I just don't understand why he needs to check with me about every purchase," Sarah explained during our first session. "It feels like he doesn't trust me." Mike, a child of parents who went through bankruptcy, carried deep-seated fears about financial security. Meanwhile, Sarah, who grew up in a family that rarely discussed money, felt suffocated by detailed budget discussions.

Through our sessions, we worked to uncover the deeper meaning behind their different approaches to money. Rather than focusing on spreadsheets and budgets, we explored:

• The emotions that surfaced during financial discussions
• Each partner's earliest memories about money and how their family addressed money issues
• The hidden fears and needs driving their reactions

After several sessions, Sarah began to understand that Mike's desire for financial transparency wasn't about control – it was about his need for security and partnership. Mike learned that Sarah's resistance to detailed financial discussions stemmed from feeling judged rather than trusted.

Today, they have a weekly "money date" where they not only discuss practical matters but also check in about their feelings and concerns. "It's not just about the numbers anymore," Mike shares. "We're actually talking about our dreams and how we can support each other in achieving them."

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The Family Planning Journey

Another couple, James and Elena, sought relationship counselling because they couldn't agree on when to start their family. Elena, age 32, felt her biological clock ticking and wanted to begin trying for a baby immediately after their wedding. James, still establishing his career, wanted to wait at least two years.

Their initial discussions often ended in tears and frustration. However, through guided Dialogues during our sessions, they learned to:

1. Listen Without Judgment

• Taking turns expressing fears and hopes
• Reflecting back what they heard without immediately problem-solving
• Acknowledging each other's emotions before discussing solutions

2. Explore Deeper Concerns

• Elena's fear wasn't just about age – she worried about recreating the close family bond she had growing up
• James's hesitation stemmed from witnessing his own father's career struggles while raising a young family

3. Find Creative Solutions

• Creating a timeline that addressed both partners' needs
• Identifying specific financial and career milestones
• Developing a shared vision for their family life

Through this process, James and Elena discovered they could begin preparing for parenthood while still honouring James's need for career stability. They agreed to specific financial goals and timeline checkpoints, helping Elena feel more secure about their family planning journey while giving James the time he needed.

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Beyond Surface Solutions

Tom and Elena's story illustrates how premarital coaching or counselling can reveal unexpected connections between money and family planning. Initially seeking help for disagreements about saving for a house, they discovered their conflict was really about different visions of family life.

During our sessions, they realized:

• Tom's urgency to buy a house was connected to his desire to start a family soon after marriage
• Elena's focus on building their investment portfolio reflected her vision of traveling extensively before settling down
• Both partners had valid dreams that needed to be heard and integrated

Through structured conversations such as Imago Dialogue, they learned to:

• Share vulnerable feelings without criticism
• Recognize and validate each other's dreams
• Create a timeline that honoured both their desires
• Develop practical steps toward their shared goals

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Building Your Foundation

These couples' stories highlight common themes I see in premarital counselling. Whether discussing money or family planning, the key to resolution often lies in:

1. Understanding the Story Behind the Story

• What experiences shape your views about money and family?
• How do your background and upbringing influence your current desires?
• What fears or hopes might be driving your position?

2. Creating Safe Conversations

• Learning to express needs without criticism
• Developing skills to listen without becoming defensive
• Finding ways to validate each other's experiences

3. Building Practical Solutions

• Creating specific, actionable plans
• Establishing regular check-ins
• Maintaining flexibility as circumstances change

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Looking Forward

Marriage is more than just a celebration – it's the beginning of a lifelong partnership that requires understanding, compromise, and growth. Through premarital counselling, couples can:

• Develop stronger communication skills
• Create shared understanding about important life decisions
• Build strategies for handling future challenges
• Deepen their emotional connection

Remember, seeking counselling before marriage isn't about fixing problems – it's about building a strong foundation for your future together. Every couple's journey is unique, but with the right tools and support, you can create a partnership that handles life's challenges with grace and understanding.

I’d be delighted to meet you and help you realise your dream life together.

You can book a free introductory call during which we can work out a plan for your future.

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